Devil May Cry: A Hunter's Surprise
by That L Chap
Summary: 2nd chapter posted. Contains many a Death Note Xover for those people who are into that kinda stuff. I'm off to hide from the people who're gonna hate this. READ AND REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

**Devil May Cry: A Hunter's Surprise **

This is my first proper fanfic so please don't slaughter it. I've tried to make it more amusing than perverted, but the rating's just to be safe. This is a DMC/Death Note crossover so I hope you're familiar with the characters. Oh and just a small warning, there is some yaoi and a threesome with implied hentai. If you want to know who it is well then you'll just have to read it :P.

Lastly, a disclaimer to say that none of the characters are mine, they are the creations of much more intelligent minds than mine. I'm just using them because I love them so much (yes, even the men) that I had to put them in loads of awkward situations. Again, I do not on Devil May Cry or Death Note, I've just got an active imagination... :)

And with all that foolishness out of the way, let the story begin!

**Chapter 1**

Dark clouds wheeled furiously in the sky above the lone tower as the devil hunter neared his prey. Crimson coat flapping behind him, Dante son of Sparda strolled nonchalantly up to the great doors of the tower. He chuckled and voiced the thought that was bouncing around in his head "Another tower huh? Man, all these demons are seriously compensatin' for something." He vigorously kicked the door, blowing it wide open as he stepped over the threshold. "Honey, I'm home!" he called into the darkness of the hallway facing him.

"What, no welcoming party? I'm disappointed." He said to the silence. Shrugging his shoulders, Dante walked quickly down the corridor, he was in no mood for time wasting. Hearing a small noise, he span round, surprising the scythe-wielding demon who suddenly found his mouth full of pistol. "Now this is more like it!" Dante quipped as six more demons materialised behind him. He pulled the trigger, blasting the demon's head into a messy stain before turning to the others. Three of them rushed him, he nimbly sidestepped the first lunge and vaulted into the air. The demons looked up to find Dante's pistols leveled right at them, not one managed to move before he was filled full of high velocity lead. Dante smirked as he took his sword from his back and landed behind the other three with a quick flourish. The demons made as if to turn and rush him, but were suprised to find themselves suddenly separated from their lower halves. As the demons expired, Dante turned away and walked off, not even having broken a sweat.

After the clamour of this short battle, the deathly silence almost managed to unnerve Dante, he trod silently down the corridors until he came to a spiral staircase lined with heavy wooden doors. After checking that there were no surprises waiting for him, Dante moved up the stairs, still faintly disturbed by the utter silence. Midway up the stairs he heard noises, human, not demon. They appeared to be coming from behind one of the wooden doors, Dante gripped his sword in readiness and flung the nearest door open.

Greeting him was one of the most disturbing sights he had ever seen. The two male occupants of the room looked up instantly from their "activites". It seemed that the older of the two, who had dark hair and curiously dark rims under his eyes had been using the younger male; who was wearing only black hotpants, had him on all fours and was using him as a tea tray.

"What...the...fuck?" Dante managed to whisper as the two guys stared eerily at him. Too freaked out to even utter a snappy quip, Dante slowly backed out of the room and shut the door on the unrelenting stares. Once the door was shut he shuddered violently before bolting up the stairs as gasps and moans started up from behind the door.

After he had climbed a few floors Dante slowed down and caught his breath. "Jesus!" he panted, "I hope I never have to see something as screwed up as that ever again!" Supressing another shudder, he walked up the next flight of stairs to find they exited onto a cavernous room. Around the room were the largest and most realistic stained-glass windows he had ever seen. Saints and demons, angels and martyrs stared relentlessly down on him. Dante began to grow uneasy and broke into an almost-jog.

As he neared the end of the hall he noticed a heavy wooden door tucked away in the corner to his right. More out of curiosity than anything else, Dante strolled up to the door and kicked it open.

Inside the room was a huge four-poster bed, elaborately decorated and with velvet sheets draped across it. Dante didn't actually notice any of this, as his attention was focused on the two occupants of the bed. "You again!" he blurted as he recognized the young, brown haired human from earlier. It seemed that the said human had been enjoying himself rather vigorously with a young, blond woman (if you can't figure out who this is then you must be incredibly thick). The human male looked up and immediately looked guilty, as you would if you'd just been caught in the act for the second time in one night. "Er...hi" he said after an embarassing silence, Dante looked incredibly confused as he said "Hang on, weren't you downstairs with--" but before he could finish his question, the covers shifted and the second human poked his head out (again, if you haven't figured out who this then theres no hope left for you). Dante didn't even bother asking for an explanation, he once again backed out of the room and ran away.

"Jesus freakin' Christ!" He said explosively, "Why is this place so perverted?!" He frowned as he realised something. "And why am I the only one not getting laid?"

**Yes, yes I know its perverted and wrong but please don't pass it over as a meaningless series of events. It has a definite plotline (and more "hilarious" escapades). Please review as I need some constructive criticism here about the bad points and good points. No idea when chapter 2 will be posted as I've got a rather busy schedule over the summer, and as I said: don't give up on this fic! As theres gonna be a load of juicy events in the next chapter (if I ever get round to writingit). Justice Will Prevail!!**


	2. Chapter 2: Hell Hath No Fury

**Chapter 2: Hell Hath No Fury...**

At almost the exact moment Dante was venting his spleen on the sorry state of his sex life, an attractive, brown haired woman wearing biker shorts and a plain white shirt was climbing up the side of the aforementioned tower (and if you didn't know Dante's in a tower, what the fuck were you doing in Chapter 1?!), she was swearing enough to shock an entire season of South Park, and was sporting a look so angry Kratos would've soiled himself and hid in Zeus' beard. She normally would have been at the peak of the tower by now, as she would have just ridden her bike up it. But events had conspired to rid her of her precious motorcycle six months previously. Events involving a certain white-haired half-demon ladies man. Six months since Temen-Ni-Gru had erupted out of the earth and changed her life forever. More important than that, six months and not even one call from said ladies man. She'd spent the last month tracking him down (it wasn't exactly hard to do, all she had to do was follow the trail of dead demons and strip clubs), and now she was going to wreak some serious Lady-wrath on his demon shaped ass. As she passed a window a certain image caught her eye, she took a closer look and saw what looked like a spiky-haired, freakishly ugly clown getting it on with a rather dumb looking guy with black hair and a dopy smile. Supressing a shudder of disgust, she continued on her way.

Meanwhile, Dante was in a rather embarassing situation. It wasn't a life threatening situation, or even a distinctly dangerous one. He'd entered a room through way of getting thrown through the door by what had looked like a giant packet of noodles, and before he'd gotten a chance to get his bearings or even utter an angry remark, the door had violently slammed shut and all the light in the room had disappeared. Normally this wouldn't have bothered Dante in the slightest, what with the whole seeing in the dark business (I know that's never mentioned in the game, but I always thought he would be able to. Come on, it would just be LAME if he couldn't see in the dark!). But the fact was, this darkness wasn't natural, it was being excreted by something that was probably icky. Next thing he knew, he was on his back and he was being stripped of everything on his person. And to top it all off, it was somehow so cold he was freezing his newly exposed nuts off. Suddenly, blinding light exploded in his eyes. Immediately, Dante sprung into action, the first thing he did was say "AAAARGH!" rather loudly. The second was to crouch over and try to protect Little Dante from the attack that was inevitably going to come.

But the attack never came, and eventually Dante opened his eyes... to find himself standing in a room facing an incredibly attractive, naked white haired woman. _Well hello there _he thought, instantly striking a pose that he knew would show himself off to the fullest. Oddly, the woman did the same. Dante smirked and cocked an eyebrow, again the woman copied him. _Wait just a pizza-lickin' second _Dante thought (no idea why I added pizza-lickin', seemed like a good idea at 2.00 am...jeez...I have no life), _why is she copying me?_ Slowly, and with dawning dread, the awful realization sank into his brain. He was staring at a mirror.

It was said that the resulting scream rendered an entire train-load of fan girls permanently deaf.

One thing was for sure, Lady was almost blown off the tower by the force of the scream. It chilled her to the core, and as a side effect accidentally set one of her guns off. The bullet itself shot downwards, rebounded off a spiky bit of metal that Lady had almost ripped her shorts on, shattered a window and splattered the dumb looking guy's brains all over the wall, much to the shock of the freakishly ugly clown thing, who after a moment of stillness shrugged and continued with his activities. (is that going too far? having Ryuk screwing a corpse? And a headless one at that :p)

Meanwhile, Dante had begun to calm down and assess the situation. "Okay, why am I a chick?" he said, but instantly shut up in horror, as his voice was still his own. After a few minutes of thinking, he still hadn't arrived at any solutions as why he was now the opposite sex, and how he was going to turn himself back into a man. _Then again _he thought, _this ain't so bad_. He looked at himself in the mirror again and gently poked his newly aquired bosom. After a couple of minutes of experimentation, he understood why every girl he had ever felt up had slapped him. Boobs were so goddamn sensitive. Also, his lower back was starting to develop one hell of an ache (A/N this is a little nod to a friend of mine, I'm sure she knows who she is...). He was about to further explore himself when the door opened and an elderly man wearing glasses, a suit and sporting a magnificent white moustache stepped into the room. There was silence for the next thirty seconds as they both stared at each other, before Dante realised that he should probably make a small attempt at modesty. But before he could do anything, the man removed his bowler hat, scratched his moustache a bit and flung himself on Dante.

If anyone had been watching this bizarre scenario, they would have said it was eerily like a perverted comedy show. The old man kept lunging at Dante, presumably out of some kind of lust-driven trance he had slipped into. Dante kept diving out of the way, which he was finding harder to do than usual, as his new body seemed to have ideas of its own. It all ended rather violently when the old man managed to slap Dante on the ass. Dante shrieked like a girl, lashed out with his foot and managed to connect with the old guy's unmentionables, as the old man doubled over in pain, Dante grabbed his head and swung him face first into the mirror.

Instead of shattering, the mirror instantly turned into a small purple vortex, which instantly swallowed the old man, burping out his glasses before closing. There was another blinding flash of light, forcing Dante to close his eyes again. When Dante opened eyes he registered two things, one good, one bad. The good thing was: he was a guy again, but he was still naked. The bad thing was, he was several hundred feet in midair outside the tower. Then he began to fall, and as he was falling he voiced his half completed thought had been when he found himself in midair "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit..."

**Well that's chapter 2. Only took me a year to getting round to writing it... reviews plz, especially good ones. And if I pissed off anyone cus I killed Matsuda, well tough shit, I wanted to kill him. And then have Ryuk bang his corpse. Hopefully you'll have liked the whole thing about turning Dante into a girl. Chapter 3 should be done soon, so until then, remember to stay away from geese and keep the crack-whores happy, and in the words of Mr. J "Why so serious?"**


End file.
